10 Important Benefits of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for New Yorkers

Living in New York City can be a challenging experience if you’re not invested in your mental health needs. Depending on how you’re faring here in the big city, cognitive behavioral therapy represents a wonderful option for helping you to get you through life in NYC. When you feel prepared to handle the emotional challenges that NYC presents, the city can be one of the most exciting and rewarding places to live.

Cognitive behavioral therapy’s focus on the here-and-now, as opposed to the emphasis on early childhood experiences in psychoanalysis, allows New Yorkers to experience a more solution-oriented therapeutic experience.

Here are seven reasons why CBT therapy is a wonderful choice for helping you make it in the Big Apple.

1. New York City is the loneliest city in the world.

You may think that it’s easy to connect with lots of people in NYC, but it’s usually quite the opposite. For most New Yorkers, building a community is extremely hard. It is also assumed that it’s so easy to date because of all of the options. In reality, it can be a frustrating process involving painful trial and error and vulnerability. NYC’s culture does not lend itself to building a community that helps you feel valued and supported. Many of us have to do it from scratch. It takes a lot of mental resources to avoid feeling lonely, sometimes even in relationships.

CBT helps New Yorkers acquire tools to better manage social and dating disappointments. We look at troublesome belief systems, including core beliefs and rigid, conditional self-statements that promote social anxiety and a sense of fragility in response to perceived failure. CBT therapy also looks at problematic behaviors that exacerbate and reinforce negative cycles of thinking, such as social avoidance and addictive tendencies.

2. NYC can be unforgiving to people with social anxiety.

The pressure to be socially successful is one of the trademarks of New York City life. This is a terrible burden for many of its inhabitants. For those of us who grapple with social anxiety, NYC presents a constant flow of opportunities for brutally self-devaluing, social comparison. The shame that comes from perceived failure and judgment after a difficult social moment promotes social avoidance, panic and depression. Given how hard it is to socialize without the presence of alcohol (#5 on this list), many people with social anxiety also develop an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

CBT therapy can work wonders for social anxiety. I’ve been doing this work for over 27 years and I’ve learned a thing or two about how to cater cognitive therapeutic techniques to alter a client’s self-concept and behavior patterns. CBT targets the vicious cycle built into social avoidance. It promotes an ability to cope with symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder. It aims to achieve small wins with social success, self-acceptance and healthier thought and behavior patterns. 

3. Too many options offered in NYC can affect your mental health.

The overwhelming number of possibilities baked into NYC life can effect your sense of what is “good enough,” it can alter your relationship with money, power, success and validation. Many of us are already over-scheduled and psychologically overtaxed. If you’re not careful, the NYC lifestyle will pressure you to overdo it with scheduling activities, which limits your ability to recharge or gain enough psychological distance from your troubles in order to reach a healthy perspective in your downtime.

My CBT approach aids in examining limiting beliefs and behaviors that get in the way of your commitment to important decisions. I help my clients to set goals and stick to commitments that align with personal values. My focus on values also offers a roadmap for navigating difficult choices and staying on course toward manifesting what you consider to be a life well lived.

4. NYC work culture views burnout as a badge of honor.

High-achieving people, especially those with perfectionistic tendencies will find many reasons to push themselves to their breaking point, recover and break again. New Yorkers who come from families that don’t value mental health as a safe topic of discussion often have to reach an extreme state of mental anguish in order to finally take care of their mental health. Many New Yorkers take on jobs with brutally long work hours. Many work cultures, especially in finance and law, promote sacrificing your mental health to reach your numbers and doing anything to avoid reprimand from your narcissistically-inclined boss. Most people are not built to sustain such pressure. Work burnout promotes depression, anxiety and addiction. It changes your priorities, which leads to relationship issues and neglect of one’s physical, mental and spiritual health.

CBT can help you cope with work burnout. The examination of belief systems that promote hopelessness, self-loathing, unrealistic standards and self-defeating behaviors can truly make a difference if you’re under a ton of consistent pressure at work. CBT can be highly effective for combating social withdrawal and motivational outages associated with depression. It also helps with the avoidance behaviors that go with anxiety and panic attacks.

5. Alcohol plays a role in so many social activities in NYC.

In NYC it can be a challenge to socialize with friends without the presence of alcohol. This becomes particularly problematic if you’re trying to limit your alcohol intake and you want to bond with friends. It often takes smart planning and well-developed habits to avoid social situations that center around drinking. What’s more–some jobs in finance promote an unhealthy relationship with alcohol when there’s an obligation to wine and dine clients at night. In addition, long term relationships/marriages (as well as your health) can suffer terribly when one partner doesn’t manage their drinking habits.

I help clients to navigate the social scene in NYC, while keeping track of which social habits create mental suffering and relationship issues. My CBT methods promote calming your mind and establishing your priorities, which can empower you to find alternative ways besides alcohol to quiet your mind and socialize effectively. I am highly passionate about my CBT work with clients who are grappling with social anxiety.

6. The exposure to extreme wealth in NYC can promote an unhealthy relationship with money and success.

For the ambitious New Yorker, no matter what you have —  the money you’ve earned or the job title you’ve achieved — the influence of other’s people’s money and achievements can make you feel not good enough. So many New Yorkers sacrifice their mental health to chase a dream, but the dream may not be grounded in the awareness of the price paid for striving to achieve a goal. In NYC, if you’re not careful, the goal hijacks the mind and the journey, which makes up the bulk of your time, is minimized. Many New Yorkers live in a state of self-imposed deprivation. “If I make Vice President, life will be good.” “When I can afford to buy this material good, people will notice me and see me as successful.”

I help clients to establish a healthier perspective with regard to their definition of “success.” People rarely stop to consider their “money wounds,” which promotes suffering and replicating unhealthy aspects of your relationship with money. Cognitive behavioral therapy can assist you in altering unhealthy patterns of behavior associated with irrational beliefs around money and success. Of course, you should chase your dreams, but you also need strong mental hygiene to enjoy the fruits of your labor. 

7. NYC attracts people with narcissistic tendencies.

The reality that makes many people uncomfortable to talk about is that many highly successful people have narcissistic tendencies. NYC attracts ambitious people who have “made it” in their respective field. Chances are that at some point in your time working in NYC, you will have a narcissistic boss or romantic partner. One relationship with a narcissist has the power to gut your mental health.

I employ CBT to help my clients recover from narcissistic abuse. I am an expert in narcissism and narcissistic abuse. If you’ve been mistreated by a narcissist before, then you have some idea of the awful effects of their manipulation and controlling behaviors. Your sense of reality becomes altered, your sense of trust is shattered, your access to own personal value is reduced to nothingness. Cognitive behavioral strategies can be effective in helping you distance yourself from thought patterns that narcissistic abuse has instilled or exacerbated in you.

8. NYC can be a mental minefield for people grappling with panic attacks.

People who score high on measures of both achievement and control are more likely to suffer from panic attacks. NYC attracts this type of personality profile. The city is also full of common triggers for panic, such as theaters, crowded trains, and tight social spaces. Ambitious New Yorkers with Panic Disorder are likely to find themselves having anxiety and shame about the panic attacks they’ve endured in business or school presentations.

Since the presence of panic attacks usually includes the avoidance of settings that trigger panic, CBT with an exposure component to the treatment of panic attacks can be effective. As a Manhattan psychologist I do this work often. CBT targets the underlying issues promoting anxiety and shame about panicking. It helps people to feel more prepared in the face of panic.

9. Many New Yorkers are chronically overwhelmed and long term relationships suffer as a result.

Ambitious New Yorkers are chronically overwhelmed as a result of being constantly “on” at work or school with little time for relaxation. When there’s time to unwind, it’s often done by retreating into a their phones, which is ironically a very poor way to recharge. Because New Yorkers frequently find themselves in “survival mode,” it’s natural to choose disengagement and disconnection over engagement and connection with a partner.

My approach to CBT with an emphasis on values promote the establishment of healthy routines and communication patterns in long term relationships. CBT focuses on underlying issues that get in the way of healthy communication patterns. I also help clients to overcome resentment, judgment and pathological certainty to feel more connected in their relationships. 

10. An unpleasant commute to and through New York increases stress levels.

Your patience may be tested if you have to deal with public transportation, which may add stress to your day. Finding peace of mind can be challenging. For people with less-developed anger management skills, NYC is a potential landmine of triggers that cause anger outbursts.

CBT can help you with stress and anger management so you can feel more prepared to cope with challenging moments in traffic, with strangers and other random, inevitable incidents. One key for sound mental health in NYC is to learn to stay connected to people, develop your empathy muscle and avoid stereotyping and snap judgments.

I offer CBT therapy as a clinical psychologist in New York City. I work with clients on a variety of personal, professional and family issues. Please feel free to reach out to me with any questions.

All the best!

FAQ – Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and Therapy

Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse – Common Questions

Can I recover from narcissistic abuse?

Yes. It is certainly possible to recover from narcissistic abuse. However, a full recovery requires a good deal of personal discovery, as well as an essential reduction in the narcissist’s access to you. Therapy is not required to recover, but it certainly makes a huge difference to have an experienced therapist guiding you through the recovery process. There are many other factors that will impact your healing process, including any past history of abuse at the hands of a narcissist (e.g., childhood abuse, prior abusive partners), a readiness to help yourself/ the right timing, the severity of the current or recent abuse and the extent to which you can achieve physical and psychological space to heal.

I offer CBT therapy for narcissistic abuse. For 25+ years I have worked as a psychologist in NYC helping people who have been victimized by narcissists. If you’re committed to the process, real healing can occur.

How do I recover from narcissistic abuse?

The process of recovering from narcissistic abuse requires some form of personal and psychological distance from the narcissist. It doesn’t absolutely necessitate that you have zero contact with the narcissist, but a lack of contact will probably expedite your recovery. Of course, some people simply must have contact with the abuser, such as in the case of sharing children with the narcissist or remaining committed to trying to make a long-term relationship with a narcissist work.

Assuming you can first achieve some form of space to heal, you will need to deepen your understanding of the tactics the narcissist uses against you. You will also need to learn how to cut off their narcissistic supply or give it strategically by choice if you must have contact. In addition, because narcissists tend to strip people of their own separate identity, you need to discover who you are separate from the relationship, including your wants and needs, values, interests and self-worth separate from your relationship with the narcissist.

The process of healing also involves gaining a deep understanding of the narcissist’s tendency to blame you (or others) for most or all of their problems in life. The narcissist maintains the upper hand as long as you’re in a perpetual state of doubting yourself. 

Can I heal from narcissistic abuse if it occurred many years ago?

Yes. Therapy for abuse that occurred in past relationships or in childhood can be effective. Quite often, the therapy aims to help you heal from past abuse while assisting you in avoiding problematic relational patterns in adulthood that you learned as a child. Sometimes the work focuses on someone who has passed away, so the remnants of the abuse interact with a grieving process.

What is the best therapy for narcissistic abuse?

There is no single therapeutic approach for healing from narcissistic abuse that would be considered “the best.” You can achieve results with a skilled therapist who understands the nuances of narcissistic abuse. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) represents one approach to healing from trauma and abuse, but there are other wonderful methods. Somatic therapy and EMDR represent two other approaches.

I have found that my clients tend to appreciate my enhanced CBT approach to healing from narcissistic abuse, which is primarily guided by a cognitive behavioral framework, but also informed by other helpful approaches that can be catered to the client’s way of viewing life. Since each individual views themselves, their relationships and the world as a whole in different ways, a flexible therapeutic approach can be extremely beneficial to the client.

CBT allows for more of a focus on your here-and-now experience. It enable you to handle and dispute irrational and troubling beliefs, and it aims to help you feel prepared to handle future difficult emotions and moments.

I must say though that the rational side of your mind only represents a part of your thought process. Much of human thought does not involve logic and reason. This is why I incorporate other methods of therapy — to help you to understand and manage the visual side of your mind. I like to think of it as the videos you play in your mind that don’t lend themselves to logic. Healing must involve sensations in the body, your fantasies, hopes and looping images that come to mind.

How do I deal with mental abuse from a narcissist?

The first step is to gain psychological (and, in some cases, physical) protection from the abusive individual. The therapeutic work is limited in its effectiveness if you don’t give yourself the space to process and heal. If the narcissist is actively harming you, it’s important to gain safety.

Because narcissistic abuse alters your sense of personal value, what you believe you deserve, your accountability/who is to blame, guilt, shame and so much more, you need outside perspectives from trusted individuals, as well as a better sense of who you are outside of what you’ve been told by the narcissist and possibly other abusive or neglectful individuals in your past.

The worst thing y0u can do is keep the abuse to yourself and avoid seeking support from trusted friends and family. It’s nearly impossible to recover from narcissistic abuse on your own. You need people- outside perspectives, preferably from friends AND a mental health professional.

Managing mental abuse from a narcissist must also involve learning to set boundaries with this individual and others in the future.

Should I do therapy after narcissistic abuse?

Therapy with an experienced therapist is likely to expedite your recovery from narcissistic abuse.

What is brain fog in the context of narcissistic abuse?

Brain fog refers to a sense of confusion, self-doubt and disorientation that sometimes results from prolonged narcissistic abuse. Many victims of abuse report feeling like their mental sharpness has been taken away, like they can’t trust themselves. Sometimes when some distance from the narcissist is achieved, there is a sense of derealization, as though the freedom isn’t real.

What are the four D’s of narcissistic abuse?

The four D’s relate to people who are married to a narcissist. The first three D’s represent the likely behavior of the narcissist, and the last D is the expected outcome.

DENY: The narcissist tends to behave abusively and then denies  that it ever happened or changes the narrative.

DISMISS:The narcissist tends to minimize any response you have that makes them accountable. They can make you doubt your own judgment, opinions and memory of events.

DEVALUE: The narcissist wins when you are doubting yourself and making you feel badly for what you’ve done. They put you down to keep control over you.

DIVORCE: It is very common for marriages to end as a result of one partner having narcissistic tendencies.

How do I support someone who has been abused by a narcissist?

The goal is to make it safe for them. Be a sounding board for them but don’t force your version of reality. It takes time to heal. People need patience and understanding from their support system. If someone is in physical danger, then immediate action is needed (National Domestic Abuse Hotline -Tel. 1-800-799-7233).

Can narcissists be helped?

While there aren’t many former narcissists, some progress can be made in therapy, even for people with narcissistic tendencies. However, the prognosis is usually not great. Ideally, the motivation for seeking help would be intrinsic. When narcissists get help based on an ultimatum, usually progress is possible but limited to the extent to which the person can take responsibility for the actions. Where I’ve seen the most success is when narcissists feel like they have something major to lose, the timing is right and there is at least a shred of an internal push to take responsibility and become a “better” person.

All the best to you on your journey,

Greg Kushnick