I’m going to talk about the unhealthy kind of narcissism so you can get a clearer idea of what we mean by healthy narcissism.

If you suspect (or already know) that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to work on the unhealthy ways in which his or her narcissism is manifested.

9 Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist

Here are nine signs you and your partner need to be immersed in a month-long course on healthy narcissism:

1) Your partner can’t tolerate your success.

One giveaway would be if you and your partner cannot be successful at the same time. Instead, you always find yourself in a one-up-one-down situation in which one of you can only thrive at a time.

2) You have suspicions that your partner lacks basic empathy.

How many times have you witnessed your significant other insulting other people with very little justification for his harsh words? (This can be a sign of other personality disturbances as well.)

3) Your partner has trouble supporting you emotionally during small, everyday situations that upset you, but when terrible events are happening, he or she loves the feeling of being needed and steps into the supportive role with ease.

Some narcissists require you to need them in order to ignite their powerful, caring side.

4) Your partner is extremely successful in his or her career and it seems like he or she has stepped on other people’s heads to achieve an elevated status or title.

Yes, many narcissists run the show. This is where narcissism can be a blessing as much as a curse.

5) More than a few people have described him or her as “self-referential.”

Yes, another dead giveaway is when your partner is constantly thinking or saying, “What does this say about me?”

6) A textbook sign of narcissism is that your significant other constantly needs to be admired.

Does it seem like your partner looks inward to find value or does the world need to reflect his or her greatness…all of the time?

7) It’s implied that you always have to let go of your needs and meet your partner’s expectations for how a particular situation is supposed to happen.

Do you have an equal say in what you do together? Is he or she constantly punishing you for not meeting expectations?

8) Your partner shows a huge blindspot in recognizing how his or her actions impact other people.

This is also about empathy, but I like to talk about it more in terms of someone lacking the ability to place him- or herself in your shoes and see the world from your eyes.

9) Your partner tends to speak with pathological certainty when sharing his or her own opinions.

Pathological certainty is when someone seems like they’re in the business of making other people bad or wrong. It’s as though they’ve made the choice to be right instead of happy. Many narcissists always have to be right. This is the unattractive side of narcissism.

Equally as important is figuring out if you’re, in fact, the narcissist in the relationship.

Whether it’s you or your partner who grapples with unhealthy narcissism, check out Techealthiest for more on how to transform unhealthy narcissism into something healthy.

More reading:

The official way to diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)