My Guide on Huff Post to Starting Therapy

As you prepare for your first session, you may have questions about the process of being in therapy. Please don’t hesitate to write them down and ask me. It can be confusing to figure out how to say everything you want to say in one visit. I urge you to relieve yourself of that pressure and try to trust in the process.

I am highly skilled in building a solid therapeutic relationship, so you can rest assured that you won’t feel judged for what you’re reluctant to talk about. I’m here to help.

Here’s my Huff Post article about starting therapy:

11 Things You Must Know About Getting Started in Therapy

P.S.- You can also call me or email me. I’d be happy to answer all of your questions.

 

 

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How to Overcome Difficult Childhood Memories (as Seen on Huff Post)

Look around you. Everyone you see is carrying a truckload of childhood memories that contain pain, awkwardness, failure and all things awful.

Look within. The memories are there. Some are more painful than others. Many can be altered to feel less heavy.

Choose one memory that often pops into mind. Make it one that involves a perceived failure on your part. You know, the kind that makes you say, “I should have…”

What mistake do you think your child self made?

Going Back to Move Forward

Picture yourself in the setting at the age you were when the event occurred. What was going on at the time? What was your state of mind?

See the event happen to you.

Allow yourself to empathize with the child in you who suffered from this event. See yourself “failing” at whatever you messed up.

Again, let the empathy flow toward the child within you. The memory might feel awful. It might define some aspect of your adult self, but it doesn’t have to.

Once you’ve re-experienced the event, introduce your adult self to the situation.

Picture you at your current age with your current physical and emotional strength to endure the same event you went through as a child.

Let the event happen to you, but react to it as an adult.

If there’s a child or adult in your memory who contributed to the pain embedded in this memory, relate to them as your adult self to take control.

That’s right. Take control of the situation. Reverse the outcome. Make the memory happen the way you want it to.

You’re now overwriting the memory in a way that reduces the emotional pain associated with the visual recall of the event.

Now picture your current self standing next to your child self who just failed or got hurt or humiliated….and soothe that child.

Say loving things to him or her. Give that child more love and caring that he or she has ever gotten. Enter his or her mind and reflect back how much you understand.

Show the child that he or she is safe and you’re there to help.

Encourage your inner child to go easy on himself or herself.

The memory is now less scary because your adult self would react differently than your child self. You would either succeed where you believe you failed or you would file the memory away in your mind differently as an adult so that it’s not such a pain point.

So often, we think, feel and act like a wounded, angry and frightened child in situations that remind us of the original hurt from childhood.

But we forget that we have a CHOICE to handle the event as an adult with a much more advanced set of skills.

Relive the painful memory in a safe and comfortable way by applying your adult abilities so that the helpless or failing child in your memory is no longer helpless or failing at all.

That’s how you go back in time and fix childhood failures.

(Note: This post is for entertainment purposes only. Use of the above-mentioned technique does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with the author.) Sorry, I had to add this even though you know this.

All the best to you and your inner child.

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9 Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist (as Seen on Huff Post)

I’m going to talk about the unhealthy kind of narcissism so you can get a clearer idea of what we mean by healthy narcissism.

If you suspect (or already know) that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to work on the unhealthy ways in which his or her narcissism is manifested.

9 Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist

Here are nine signs you and your partner need to be immersed in a month-long course on healthy narcissism:

1) Your partner can’t tolerate your success.

One giveaway would be if you and your partner cannot be successful at the same time. Instead, you always find yourself in a one-up-one-down situation in which one of you can only thrive at a time.

2) You have suspicions that your partner lacks basic empathy.

How many times have you witnessed your significant other insulting other people with very little justification for his harsh words? (This can be a sign of other personality disturbances as well.)

3) Your partner has trouble supporting you emotionally during small, everyday situations that upset you, but when terrible events are happening, he or she loves the feeling of being needed and steps into the supportive role with ease.

Some narcissists require you to need them in order to ignite their powerful, caring side.

4) Your partner is extremely successful in his or her career and it seems like he or she has stepped on other people’s heads to achieve an elevated status or title.

Yes, many narcissists run the show. This is where narcissism can be a blessing as much as a curse.

5) More than a few people have described him or her as “self-referential.”

Yes, another dead giveaway is when your partner is constantly thinking or saying, “What does this say about me?”

6) A textbook sign of narcissism is that your significant other constantly needs to be admired.

Does it seem like your partner looks inward to find value or does the world need to reflect his or her greatness…all of the time?

7) It’s implied that you always have to let go of your needs and meet your partner’s expectations for how a particular situation is supposed to happen.

Do you have an equal say in what you do together? Is he or she constantly punishing you for not meeting expectations?

8) Your partner shows a huge blindspot in recognizing how his or her actions impact other people.

This is also about empathy, but I like to talk about it more in terms of someone lacking the ability to place him- or herself in your shoes and see the world from your eyes.

9) Your partner tends to speak with pathological certainty when sharing his or her own opinions.

Pathological certainty is when someone seems like they’re in the business of making other people bad or wrong. It’s as though they’ve made the choice to be right instead of happy. Many narcissists always have to be right. This is the unattractive side of narcissism.

Equally as important is figuring out if you’re, in fact, the narcissist in the relationship.

Whether it’s you or your partner who grapples with unhealthy narcissism, check out Techealthiest for more on how to transform unhealthy narcissism into something healthy.

More reading:

The official way to diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

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How to Overcome Anxiety about President Trump’s Next Move

Welcome to the first step in getting over Trump anxiety.

“YOU’RE scared about what Trump will do to you? Then how scared should I be? I’m gay AND a foreigner!”

This is what so many conversations on the streets of New York City sound like.

Yes, much of the country has been overtaken by an intense and unfamiliar strain of anxiety founded upon the belief that President Trump and his minions are about to unleash a campaign of totalitarian, uber-bigoted hell on people whose backgrounds and beliefs conflict with his political agenda.

So many Americans fear that Trump is going to ruin our country, one bad decision after another.

While I am not free of fear with regard to the possibilities, I remain hopeful that he will surprise us in a positive way. (Stay with me!)

I certainly can’t guarantee that Trump won’t get drunk on power and make a total mess of the country.

What I CAN say with certainty is that much of your happiness potential over the next four years will be determined by how you choose to approach Trump’s presidency.

Herein lies an amazing opportunity.

The starting point for conquering your fears about what Trump will do as president begins with acknowledging that a gift has been given to you at this exact time in your life.

A gift? You mean Trump? REALLY??

Yes, a gift.

The gift I’m referring to is a rare spike in passionate ferocity and motivation that Trump’s presidency brings out in you.

The key is to channel this energy into your efforts to grow as a person and to do more than just cope with what upsets you.

How about striving to thrive in the face of political circumstances that will otherwise drain your energy and leave you bitter, helpless and sick?

Since President Trump is here to stay for at least four years, it’s in your best interest to do more than rant on Facebook and refuse to accept reality.

In no way am I suggesting that you stop advocating for what you believe in. Instead, I’m challenging you to find a way to sublimate your anger and frustration into actions that create personal health and wellness, as opposed to sickness and depression.

Here are a some important factors that will determine your happiness potential during Trump’s presidency:

The extent to which you’re willing to give Trump a chance and see what he can accomplish for our country.
Your acceptance of a learning curve for Trump in which he has to stink up Washington before he figures out the lay of the land. Essentially, I’m referring to your patience.
Your personal ratio of healthy advocacy (in the form of action) versus social media ranting.
Your belief in the value of committing to your personal growth.
The extent to which you let yourself be exposed to friends and family who take an unhealthy approach to Trump’s presidency.
Most importantly, your happiness will depend on recognizing that your coping strategy during the election probably won’t work for you in 2017.
You have no choice but to take it to the next level.

The main point here is that if you are one of the many who vowed to have a fabulous 2017 and you also fear Donald Trump, it will be necessary to view your anxious state as an opportunity to grow exponentially as a person.

I will help you get there. This is how I want to help you, but it requires that you seize this moment in time as a rare chance to be the best person you can be.

If you can’t see the opportunity hidden within a dark and murky situation, then you’ll probably flounder. You’ll keep feeding your helpless side and cling to depression like a much-desired addiction.

I don’t want that for you. I want you to thrive, to prosper, to flourish no matter who is in office.

I implore you to see overcoming Trump anxiety as an amazing opportunity.

Stay tuned for my next post in which I will continue to guide you toward getting over your anxiety about Trump’s presidency.

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